The Traffic Lights.

I am feeling SMUG.  The sun is shining, I’ve managed to have a shower and put some make up on before my husband left for work this morning.

We set off for the bus stop and my children are adorably singing ‘The sun has got his hat on hip hip hip hooray’

I am Mary flipping Poppins.

We approach the crossing and wait patiently for the green man (I am daydreaming in the sunshine about the day my children will go to school as we are surrounded by Mums on the morning school run).

‘MUMMYYY IT’S GREEEEN’

The electronic countdown positioned at the crossing (which was invented by someone who hates dawdling toddlers and the Elderly) was already at five.

Four.

‘Let’s go HURRY UP!!!’ they start running across the road, ‘Slow down!’  I shout ‘NEVER run across the road’ so they slow down (looking understandably confused).

Three Two One ……….

Still in the middle of the road, I suddenly feel my long skirt start to tug.  I look down and see that the bottom of my long floaty skirt is firmly lodged in the wheel of the buggy board.

'MUMMY HURRY UP' Lil man grabs the hand that I am using to try and pull my skirt back up, he starts pulling me towards the other side of the road. I have to make a quick choice.

1.     Risk the wrath of a dozen car drivers on the school run and set my skirt free BUT also risk Lil man running away.

2.     Keep going and risk the humiliation of my skirt being dragged down further?


I make the WRONG choice.

My skirt is dragged down and I am now FLASHING my knickers to car loads of people.

OH MY GOD.

'Mummy why are you getting undressed in the road?'

'Just keep walking!' I bark at him, He takes one look at me and nods in understanding.

My son holds MY hand across the road whilst I drag the buggy, my skirt and my DIGNITY to the other side revealing my bum to what feels like the whole of
Twickenham. 

MORTIFIED.

And do you know what the worst of it was? It actually crossed my mind that before I had children, I would have got at least one wolf whistle but no NOTHING.

 LOW POINT JUST GOT LOWER.