Tuesday 21 July 2015

Send Help


A transcript of text messages sent between myself and a friend of mine who shall remain nameless *coughs* Emma

Received from Emma at 8.44am

Day 1174.  My captors woke me at 5.30am this morning.  They have exposed me to a sophisticated torture method involving persistent whining and the endless repetition of a song about a builder named Bob. He is the one they call upon to ‘fix’ things.

The younger captor is sleeping, but I’m afraid to take this opportunity to escape for fear of repercussions from the authorities.

Later they are taking me to gather provisions. This may involve stopping at a place they call Costa (or possibly H+H).

Send word if you can meet me. If you do not hear from me again, tell my Mother I love her.  She is a ‘survivor’ from an earlier regime …. She will understand x

Reply 9.13am

I too have been taken.  I was cruelly dragged from my bed at 5.45am. My captors are waiting for a man they call ‘Postman Pat’ to make a special delivery, and then I am being sent to a facility known as ‘Little Fishes Soft Play’. I can’t begin to imagine the subtle methods of torture that they employ there. I am truly terrified.

I will send for you as soon as I have found means to escape. Stay strong.  

I have to go …..They are coming.

Received 9.23am

I fear your treatment is far worse. I have heard tell of this place called ‘soft play’.  The ‘Childminder’ has informed me that I must attend her house this afternoon for a ‘meet and greet’ with the local Police service - Code for something sinister I’m sure.

Good luck Comrade.

Sent to Emma 8pm

I have failed in my attempts to escape, but my captors are becoming sleepy. I will meet you in a ‘safe house’ as soon as I can. There is one nearby called ‘The Swan.’ We will be looked after there. I must warn you that my appearance is quite shocking. They have not allowed me to shower or sleep for days.

If I don’t make it I will send help in the form of my friend Dr. Vino. He can be trusted, but it is dangerous for him to stay too long.  I pray that you have made it.









Pink Pear Bear

16 comments:

  1. Tee hee!! Love this, you two sound right up my street xx

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    1. Erm ...Whatever I deleted by mistake was bound to have been profound and memorable (NOT!!) ? No idea ...

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  3. Haha, this is brilliant. You and your friend have fab sense's of humour and these texts most really help brighten up a bad day :)
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
    Debbie
    www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank-you! We have been friends since school and her text messages make me laugh so much! Glad they can make other people laugh too :-) Thanks for hosting x

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  4. Haha! Love it! My captors wake we with their needs for food...they instantly wake and want food...mommy doesn't eat til noon. #AnythingGoes

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    1. Oh no they have got to you too.! I will send my dear friend Mr. Cadbury. he will know what to do. x

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  5. Brilliant! I have just escaped from a room quite literally filled with Lego to read this. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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    1. Ah yes! I am familiar with this technique. The pain of stepping on lego pieces alone can prevent escape. Thanks so much for hosting #FridayFrolics

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  6. Ha! Very clever. But very true :) #FridayFrolics

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  7. Ha ha ha, this is brilliant. So true :) I hope Dr Vino made an appearance.. #bigpinklink

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  8. lol This is fab love this - hope you made it out of 'soft play' as this is always rather torturous ! #bigpinklink

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  9. Oh you guys text each other like I do with my friends!! I LOVE it! Day 2007.5. My capture occurred many years ago. I managed well with just one captor, but then she sent for reinforcements. It was then that I realised I was done for. I do have survived trips to softplay on several occasions. We were left sometimes bloody, sometimes bruised, but never defeated. They may have won the battle, but we shall win the WAAAAAARRRRR!!! (With the help of Dr Vino!) Sorry, got a little carried away at the end there, channeling my inner Braveheart!! Thanks so much for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

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    1. Haaaa. Not at all! Glad someone else shares me sense of drama. :)

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