Friday, 4 March 2016

Surprise Anniversary Mini-Break… WITHOUT MY CHILDREN!


PART 1.

ONE WEEK BEFORE
My mind has just been blown into a million pieces.
‘TWO child free nights? 
NO Children at all? 
TWO lie-ins?
TWO?!’ 
I’m feeling quite light headed as I try and process what I’ve just heard.
‘Do you need to sit down?’ My husband asks, obviously alarmed that I’m muttering ‘TWO LIE-INS? TWO ACTUAL LIE-INS?’ to myself over and over again.
That’s approximately 48 HOURS of time to ourselves? I calculate in disbelief.
‘Yes Lydia! This weekend! It’s all sorted. Your Sister is going to look after them.’
‘Sorry?’ I jolt back to reality with a bang. ‘Ellie is going to look after FOUR children for the whole weekend?’
‘Yes.’
‘Does she know?’ I ask.

DAY OF HANDOVER
5 a.m.
I get woken up by my four-year-old son, millimeters from my face…
‘Do you want to hear my new song Mummy?’
NOOOO. GO AWAY!
Did I shout that out loud? No. He’s still there …
‘There is a Pipe that needs a fixing, a pipe that needs a fixing,
a pipe that needs a fixing, because there is a BLOCKAGE!’
‘Wow, that is a lovely song sweetie.’
It’s far too early to try and understand why he is making up lyrics about plumbing. I hope that my positive parenting will buy me enough time to get at least another half an hour in bed.  It doesn’t.
7 a.m.
My husband leaves for work. As he closes the front door he casually says…
‘If you could just get the kids and all our stuff packed up I’ll come back at lunch-time.  Make sure you’re ready by 12.00ish’
‘Oh and Lydia? ...  pack your bikini’.
7 a.m. -9 a.m.
Fuuuuuuuuuckkkk!!!
9.05 a.m.
Start diet.
10 a.m.
Pack the entire house (the kids are going to Ellie’s for one night)
·        Pajamas
·        Favorite teddy’s
·        Clothes for two days … pack enough for four, and be sure to cover all weather possibilities
·        Spare clothes … just to be on the safe side
·        Toothbrushes & toothpaste
10.30 a.m.
Walk into sitting room to discover that the kids have unpacked the bags and their teddies are now dressed in pajamas and having their teeth brushed.
11 a.m.
Eat a (double chocolate) cookie to help with the stress.
11.10 a.m.
Start diet again.
11.50 a.m.
Chuck clothes into a suitcase. Make lunch, whilst skipping and jumping on the spot to burn off calories.
12 p.m.
My husband calls to say he’s running late and he’ll pick me up at 5pm. 5pm??!!
*insert hysterical laughter*
4 p.m.
Ellie comes to the house.  I say my goodbyes to the children.
No tears. YAY!!
And they wave me off energetically. Quite frankly I don’t blame them.
4.02 p.m.
I head to a café to wait for Scott.
4.05 p.m.
Receive a text from Ellie saying that she forgot to bring extra milk and could I grab some before I go? And to leave it by the door so the children don’t see me.
4.15 p.m.
I buy milk and walk back towards the house.  I see my daughter through the window and, as she turns towards me, I dive onto the ground and crawl on all fours towards the door; dragging the bag alongside me. I cannot risk being seen.
I haul myself out of view. As I get up I realise I have laddered my brand new tights. I also realise that my neighbour is observing me from her sitting room with what can only be described as a ‘what the fuck is she up to now??’ expression on her face.
4.30 p.m.
Receive a text from Scott saying we are going straight out, no time to get changed, and he is on his way to pick me up.
NO TIME TO GET CHANGED?
Does he have ANY idea how much I need to de-mummy myself to feel even remotely half normal???
4.35 p.m.
Text from my sister.
‘Found the wine with the post-it stuck to it saying “DRINK ME, YOU’LL NEED IT”. I NEED it, so starting now…
JOKE. Thanks, now relax and have fun!’
4.45 p.m.
We are off.
I take a deep breath and tell myself that my sister will be fine. The kids will be fine, it’s all fine.
I have no idea where we are going. Wooohoooo. It’s so exciting!
Where are we going? I hope it’s somewhere nice where we can really make the most of our time alone together! Have a few drinks and stay out as late as we want!!!
8 p.m.
We arrive at a beautiful restaurant. I am flattered that my Husband didn’t think I needed to change, but I’m going to kill him.
8.30 p.m. Scott surprises me with spa treatments for the next day! Yaaaaaaaaay! Suspiciously convenient that the golf is on … but woohoo!

9 p.m.
I’ve had two glasses of vino and I’m pisssed and I want to go to sleeeeeeep
10 p.m.
Oh god shots…
More shots…
Thanksss god im javing a lieinn tomriieow
12 a.m.  – In the hotel room checking out the complimentary products in the bathroom
Oooooh look. Buvvle bath, conditenerr and a shower caaapz…!
Scott.
Scott?
SCOTT??!!!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DAY 1 OF CHILD-FREE ROMANTIC BREAK
7 a.m.
I just about manage to open my eyes enough to see the time on my phone. Arghhhhhhh MY HEAD!!!  IT’S 7 IN THE MORNING!!! It can’t be! I shut my eyes again tightly, willing myself to go back to sleep.
As I turn on my side, I hear a rustling noise, I realise with horror that I’m wearing…
THE SHOWER CAP ON MY HEAD.
Sexy.
Adding to my allure is the fact that I have a large clothes tag still attached to my silky night dress, my husband stirs and I turn over with such panic that I fall out of bed…
‘ARGHHHH’
‘Lydia?’







Mami 2 Five


Pink Pear Bear




Life, Love and Dirty Dishes











14 comments:

  1. You never fail to make me giggle. Looking forward to part 2. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always happy to give you a laugh Claire! Thanks for hosting x

      Delete
  2. 😂 this has made my morning!!
    Shower cap on your head - I'm sure you looked very seductive and utterly amazing 😉🙈🍸🍷
    Myself and my hubby had a 2 night break away from our 3 boys recently (November) and we were the same...minus the shower cap 😉😂
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Thank-you. Totally seductive NOT!!!

      Delete
  3. Adding to my allure is the fact that I have a large clothes tag still attached to my silky night dress! Love it - made me laugh lots #sundaystars

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha I am one classy girl. Thank-you

      Delete
  4. haha what a giggle! Especially the kids dressing up teddys in pj's and brushing teeth...I've had many of these moments! #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha ..Its like they KNEW I was going away and thought I needed an extra challenge!! Little monkeys.

      Delete
  5. Hehe this really made me giggle!I will be looking out for part 2! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Writing it as we speak. Thank-you! x

      Delete
  6. I love this it made me giggle so much. Typical of pretty much all of my post kids breaks away!Thanks for linking up to #sundaystars

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! LOVE it!! It's a classic sitcom needing to be aired to the nation! We have a little face at 5am every day, inches from our faces too. This morning in my desperate bid to get more sleep, I got him LOTS of peanut butter on toast, stuck Masha and the Bear on, and let him eat the toast in our bed. I did nod back off again, but woke to find he'd smeared me in peanut butter, and put strategically placed bits of bread all over me, and it was all in the bed... The last time me and my husband got a night away in, we were in bed eating pasties, and looking with shame at all the alcohol we'd intended to drink, that we left because we just wanted a good sleep... What have our lives become?!! Thanks so much for sharing with #bigpinklink!

    ReplyDelete
  8. This has me laughing from start to finish, I'm not sure what I would do if I had 2 nights away from my little one, let alone a few hours! I can't believe you woke up with a shower cap on your head, ha ha. Hope you've recovered from the hangover. Claire x #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
  9. Quite interesting! You made me giggle. I can totally relate to this post. We are also making plans for an intimate anniversary party at one of beautiful and romantic venue Houston. Will definitely share my experience too.

    ReplyDelete