We have left the house to go and meet my friend. We meet at the end of my road and go for a pleasant walk (meaning baby was asleep and toddlers were snacking). I only have two objectives:
1. Keep my youngest MissChief awake until I get home.
2. Buy a mop and bucket and get it back to the house before our cleaner* turns up.
*The cleaner I had hired in secret two weeks ago. The first day she cleaned, my husband returned home from work and took a look around our clean and orderly sitting room. I smiled sweetly as I perched on the edge of the sofa holding bacterial spray in one hand and a duster in the other...
'You hired a cleaner' he says
On the way home, I find a shop that sells mops. Lil man is 'over it' and hungry and MissChief is very tired and hungry. I have a quick strategy meeting (bribery discussion) with Lil man to decide how we are going to get our items home, PLUS the two bags of shopping we just bought from the supermarket. I have the usual rant in my head about not getting my f***ing driving license. My son stands on the buggy board with a biscuit, my daughter goes in the buggy and we balance the bucket and mop on top of the two bags of shopping. Right...
We are fine UNTIL Lil man decides that he doesn’t want the bucket to keep banging him on the arm, and understandably doesn’t want his head buried in coats and shopping bags, so he literally LOSES THE PLOT. MissChief starts to fall asleep and the mop keeps jabbing people and lamposts as we walk past them, knocking bags off the top of the buggy. My friend, (who has two children of her own and her own problems to deal with) is oblivious to the situation that is unfolding behind her and is power walking to get her children home for lunch.
I now have 5 minutes to get back home to let the cleaner in. I wake MissChief up, (She is seriously p***ed off) I put her on the buggy board and Lil man in the buggy, he holds the mop and assumes a jousting position. I am preoccupied by the fact that my daughter is using the buggy board as a trampoline and each time she enthusiastically jumps some random item falls off. I’m leaving a trail behind me of sippy cups, dummies, jumpers, toys and at this point an actual child would have to fall off for me to stop (and only then would I consider it).
Lil man takes out two pensioners and a toddler.
I take hold of the mop and give him the bucket to hold instead. He puts the bucket on his head.
I AM SO OBVIOUSLY NOT COPING and hoping the bucket does not get stuck (NO TIME for A&E).
I don’t notice a Mum watching this chaotic scene from across the road, she feels compelled to cross the road with her daughter and she says...
'It Gets So Much Easier'
(REALLY? REEALLLY? Is this actually true? And if so WHEN? I WANT timings. PROVE IT. And if I survive the wait will I have gone completely crazy by then?).
What I actually said...:
'Thank you that's very kind of you. Having One of Those Days hahahahaa'. (Every Day)
I finally catch up with my friend who now sees me struggling and says 'Oh you should have said!! There’s room in my buggy for the mop and bucket'